So.. Explorer is officially 2/3 retarts away from complete failure. (Leaving it on) and the router is FRIED.

It ATE my not entirely legal copy of Paint Shop Pro X, and can't find "My Computer" but several different tests indicate there was no virus. My personal theory is that windows, knowing I didn't have an XP Cd with which to run repair, intentionally broke itself to force to upgrade.

Because Microsoft are assholes and I'm too broke to buy a mac. So I officially have to spend $230 to buy an external to move all my crap, Windows 7 to reformat, PSP X2 because I can't seem to find a reliable crack, and Classic WoW because my install CD's are friggin everwhere so I'd rather have a DVD copy ANYWAY.

I hate money. I hate computers. They can both BITE me.

Ps. If anyone has a copy of PSP I can "borrow" point me in the right direction and save me $70? Thanks.

It's been a long time since I updated this thing.

Since then, my son was born healthy and strong - 4oz shy of 11lbs! - and has been amazing me ever since.

I dropped school because I was paying a ridiculous amount of money not to learn anything. Several of the classes I didn't even open the textbooks I paid so much for. I had maintained a 4.0 and not learned anything at all... and if I'm paying that much I expect to be challenged and learning.

The life situation hit rock bottom... for months it was doldrumatic to the point I broke down. Soon after things started to finally unravel, all within the last month. Without a job the shut off notices were finally looming.. things looked awful, and I was in tears nightly picturing my two small children, cold and hungry in the dark in the house we would surely lose any day now... when a mircle happend.

I called unemployment to ask why the extention I kept certifying for never came through.. the ok'ed me opening a new case and in one fell swoop just in the nick of time, literally arriving on the last day I had to pay to keep everything on, I was solvent again for long enough to make it to tax time.

During all off this, people who loved me told others in a position to help me that I was in need, and suddenly boxes of food starte appearing on the front porch. Food pantries started knocking on the door, with food and gifts for the children since we had nothing to give, and we were just barely approved for food stamps. (if we get $100 more a month, we don't qalify for them. I hope that time comes soon, so we don't need to rely on that help and can be self sufficient again soon).

While all of this was happening I recieved the terrifying news that I was pregnant again, with a 10 month old at home. But somehow I knew it would be ok, and I was so so excited. It got me out of my pit of self pity and up to fix my impending doom... the bloodwork all came back positive, and I was happy.

I should have known. When the need for me to be proactive had passed, and things were going to be ok again, I woke up Monday morning and got dressed to go to the doctor. Literally moment before I left for the appointment there was blood... and test revealed my miracle would not come to pass. It wasn't suprising. Initially my progesterone levels were much too low and I was so malnurished I was dizzy and weak near constantly... but I had hoped it would correct and everything would be ok.

I took that very very hard. And on top of that a friend made some comments about the help I got indicating she felt I was trash and unworthy of help - ultimately choosing to not be my friend any longer... of which though sad, I am grateful... so my revelry in finally in all my life having my prayers answered was short lived and bittersweet.

Now life is going on. The children are happy and have no idea how close we came to losing everything. There is money in the bank enough to last until taxes come, and it seems that the possibilities of tomorrow are much brighter than they seemed not long ago.

So may this new year find happiness and solvency. May nothing new darken the horizon. And may the blessings we've been so fortunate to recieve pass through us and on to others - pushed there intentionally, if necessary.